After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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