About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
