Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
