at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So much Jack, so little girl.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
