you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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