Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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