no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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