I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
