drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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