I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
