Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
