life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
