Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
