I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
