Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
