That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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