her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
This baby is an asshole
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
