if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
