that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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