you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
