I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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