waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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