Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
