I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
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