I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
