White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
