And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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