hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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