Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
