Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
