I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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