So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
