I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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