its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
