I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
