Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
