I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
