I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
