If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
