True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
