they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
