I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
