Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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