Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
