i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
