you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
