I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
