and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
