Screwed.edu
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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