My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
