Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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